Thoughts On The Queen Herself: Taylor Swift.

I stood at the tip top of the stadium stage -- in the very last row -- next to my best friend, our wristbands glowing red.

We felt like the oldest people at the Taylor Swift concert who weren't chaperoning tweens, but it really didn't matter.

We were lighting up the night and crying to the sounds of a story of growing up being set to music.

I thought about all the sunny DC days I had spent walking across the city, headphones in, Swift's voice the soundtrack as I disentangled myself from an old marriage, an old church, an old way of being me.

Her songs played as I gave up the ghost of the girl I'd been – the good girl — and stepped into something new.

Of course we make music mean what we want, we let it mirror what we are feeling. That's why I still feel like The Cure is really singing about being a thirteen year old girl — that's who & where I was when it was all I could listen to. ;)

But it turned out that the story I heard in my own life, in my own head, while I listened to Taylor was one she was feeling, too. And would. And would have to.

What it is like to suddenly stop being seen as the good one.

What it is like to suddenly be cut loose, like a satellite spinning out of orbit, cut free, and careening.

She recently came out with her new documentary: Miss Americana, and I wanted to share a couple of things that struck me. To be honest, I’ve already watched it a few times, and let’s just say tears were shed.

The main part that stood out to me was how Taylor dealt with the world when people started to disapprove of everything she was doing.

A lot of you probably know of the moment of intense controversy when her identity in the public eye switched — from being safe, good, beloved, to someone who became very publicaly criticized. Who was problematic. Who had been sneaky, racist, wrong. Someone who was Bad.

She talks about how her entire life, she got high off of everyone else’s approval and there was so much conditioning about her being the best person in the industry.

The documentary also dives into how people in the music industry, especially those who started at a young age like Taylor, are taught to not have political opinions, or really any opinions at all. They are just there to entertain and not stir up controversy

Over and over, she replays a moment where she wasn’t told to be like the Dixie Chicks. She thought, just show up and do your job.

Play the part.

Don't make noise.

She discusses how there was an identity shift from feeling like approval was the number one priority and then suddenly losing it to...being forced to create an entirely new identity.

She wonders, what does it mean if that part of me is gone?

Who am I if I'm not the good girl?

Am I safe if I'm not the good girl?

I hear this from my clients every day.

I felt it myself.

This makes me ask the question to everyone, which pieces of our identity are we holding to so tightly? In UNCOVER right now, we are starting to look at shadow work.

Basically, underneath the sense of who we are, what are things we are afraid people think about us? What is the worst thing someone could say or think about us and how would it make us feel?

Even beyond that, what is the worst thing that could be true about us? Shadowing is so powerful because we put a lot of thought into it. You could start thinking about it right now. What is a high stakes identity for you?

For Taylor, it was being nice and loved.

For you, it could be so different.

We all have ego identities that are running the show and while we are afraid of what is underneath, we judge it in other people.

Here’s your homework: think about something that you don’t want to be true about yourself. Can you go into it? Why is it scary? What would it mean? What do you judge other people that have that thing?

Let’s see if we can loosen its grip. I am here to support you, and I can’t wait to hear everyone’s thoughts.

Because on the other side of a rigid identity, of a shell, of the rules of Good Girl Engagement, is REAL freedom.

(Why you feeling good serves the world.)

Last night I was in a session with a client and we were talking about pleasure.

Specifically, we were talking about oysters, champagne, and coffee.

Because those are three things she loves (me too) and three things that she associates with a life of luxurious moments. A life that feels really good.

And it is part of our healing process.


Because it is your job to create a life you love.

Because we are taught to feel guilty for everything we want.

Because we are worried if we have MORE it might make someone mad, or be taking from someone else.

We are taught to fear feeling too good or things that feel too good to be true.

Who you are in your sensual, fulfilled, luxuriating self ✨Is✨ who you are meat to be. 💕

The good food,

the bright flowers,

the soft blanket,

the wide smile.

What I've learned in my work is that going deep with the healing requires pleasure.

You don't have to earn it,

hide it,

or feel guilty about it.

It's actually PART of the process of healing.

It's part of you showing up as your whole self.

Whether you run your own business or work in corporate or are a stay at home mama or a combo of all 3, the inner work of getting in touch with your true self, healing from the past, uncovering your desires, and claiming what you want... literally helps you show up better. 🔥

I see it over and over. I feel it myself.

So many women I talk to have put their pleasure, their bodies, their love & sex lives on the back burner while they focus on their career, but, find it’s just not really working.

They are fighting with their partners, going on the same bad and boring dates, feeling totally checked out of their body...and that stagnant stale feeling stays. ✨ What if you felt fulfilled, connected, confident, and like you were attracting all the sweetness love had to offer?

Not only would your love life spice up, your work will too! It’s magic. It’s connected. It’s worth it. ✨

It opens you.

Uncovering means more room to grow, to ask questions, to explore.


Uncovering means coming home to yourself.

And your work will get better & better as a result.

You get to have an incredible life. You get to fall deeply in love.

UNCOVER is my blueprint that I needed to get under all the layers & all the good girl conditioning & bullshit and figure out who I really was.

It runs every year, and the 2020 round closes for enrollment TODAY..

Do you want to join us?

<< Hop on in. >>

"What's this one?"

He held the binder in his hand, starting to flip through the pages.

"Oh," I said.


"That's actually the scrapbook of my divorce."


Even I hear it.

It's not the most normal thing to do.

It's not the most normal way to get through heartbreak.

But then again, I have never really been one for normal.

So there it is -- the scrapbook.

It's full of photos of the flowers I started buying myself.

Ticket stubs from the under 30 cheap seats at the Kennedy Center to watch La Boheme & the Japanese ballet.

Snapshots of new dresses in vintage store dressing rooms, the one with the red belt I still have.

Stacks of books -- poetry and Cheryl Strayed and Borges, because why not? Things were already topsy turvy.

Pictures of beautiful churches and funny pies on my trip to England, because I was searching for a bigger God, a bigger belief, a more beautiful way of moving through the world.

I found myself again in remembered, uncovered things.

Oh right.

I love this art museum, that ice cream flavor, that movie, that feeling.

Oh, right.

"She's still in there."

The me that hungered for beauty, inspiration, excitement.

And then there were the new things.

What does this hunger really want?

What does this feel like?

What if I put on the black dress and take the Lorrie Moore novel to the bistro on the corner and order the risotto and have my own perfect date?

What if I trust what I want?

What if I let my body talk to me?

Yes to this, to him, to love. No to that, to that, to that.

What is in you, waiting to be uncovered?

P.S. This & so much more created UNCOVER all those years ago. Ten weeks to find her again. Last day to sign up is Friday.

Ready for more pleasure everyday? Join the FREE Members' Area