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How to make friends & feel WAY less alone, bored, and crazy.



"Am I crazy, or..."

"Nope." She responds, and then brilliantly unpacks the situation. (The text that felt funny, the weird date, the business question, you name it.) 

"What would I do without you?"

Oh, I know: be a mess. 

Friends are my secret weapon.

It might sound crazy, or too simple, but the truth is, I couldn't do any of this without a network of people supporting me, holding my vision when I lose sight of it, and inspiring me with their own work.

But, once we leave college... making friends isn't THAT easy. 

If you are in a rut or feeling bored in your life, consider: 

Is it that you need more friends?

Maybe you have friends who understand a certain element of your life, but not a new phase you are in, like being a mom or an entrepreneur, and it's time to seek out people who specifically GET you in these areas. 

Maybe you have GREAT friends, but you don't make time for them, and you feel lonely! This is a huge struggle for me, and many people I know who are driven & busy -- there is so much to do! It can almost feel frivolous to take an hour out of your day for a long phone call, or to plan a trip just for fun. 

I spent SO much time working on growing my business last year that I hardly saw even my very best friends. Some seasons of life are more full than others, and this was one for me! 2018 was the first year that my coaching practice fully supported me, and my middle name was H U S T L E.  (In fact, more on that coming up next week! I learned so much about running my own business that I would love to share with anyone who is interested!) But, even though my friends understood, and were always cheering me on from afar, I realized something crucial: I needed to prioritize them if I was going to keep the engine running!! You can only run a heart-centered business on fumes and coffee for so long. ;) Plus, I realized I never wanted to be the kind of person who seemed so busy that her best friends couldn't call in the middle of the night or with an emergency. For my whole life, even as a striving student at Yale (where I got my Master's degree) or finishing my PhD program, even when I was pioneering a new job or inspired to create, PEOPLE have come first.

Or at least, that's my goal. :) In fact, it's the whole reason I started this business in the first place! Because people matter.

I looked around and I saw women who needed a roadmap to romance, to healing, and to freedom (just like I had) and so I created it. 

But, the women in my life who make that possible? My friends, colleagues, and mentors who teach me everyday that this is possible, and remind me that it matters. 

So this year, I'm committed to community. If you could use some strategies to make the same commitment and make more friends, here are a few tips! 

#1: Ask to be set up Just like we do when we are ready to find our soul mate (or just a fun Saturday night date!) ask to be set up! Post on facebook that you would love to connect with other: PR people, new moms, tattoo artists, yoga teachers, etc. in your area, and just see if anyone knows anyone who they think you'd be a good fit with! 

#2: Plan a date When you meet someone you want to get to know better, don't just make vague plans to "meet up sometime" but get specific (and fun) with your plan. If someone responds that they'd love to get together sometime, try a real suggestion, like "Great! Any interest in Thai food & poetry reading next Thursday? If it's terrible I promise we can sneak out! ;)" Look around for things you'd like to do (lectures, classes, readings, movies, new restaurants) and keep a list on your phone to invite people with ease. 

#3: Let Your Schedule Help I resisted scheduling stuff like dinner dates & phone calls for a long time because I felt like I wanted everything to feel natural and unpressured. But then I found that I was just... never doing them.

So this year, it's in my calendar: 1. Monthly check in calls with far away best friends who I was always "waiting until I had a long chunk of time" to catch up with (which of course never came!)  2. Monthly dinner dates with best friends who live close by 3. Something called the "Bubble club" with my old neighbors, where we drink champagne together once a month, since now we don't see each other in the apartment hallways  4. Co-working dates with other women who run their own businesses for collaboration, co-creation, and contagious hustle!  5. Weekly time-outs to watch The Bachelor with my friends (and make commentary on gender & the media, of course... by the way, did you know that is where Nick & I got to know eachother? Making time for your friends could lead you to your true love! But that's a story for another day. :) 

#4: Get Online...with intention We hear over and over that social media & time online makes us lonely, but with intention & creativity, it can be an amazing way to feel supported as well. Can you join one or two facebook groups that would lead you to feel supported & connected? I recommend a local meet up group interested in something you like, or Pleasure is Power, the facebook group I created to help us all connect to having more fun every day! 

Deep friendship & community is the #1 thing that people say they loved about the Empowerment Mastermind, my nine month group coaching experience. Between deep retreats, an online community, monthly gatherings, monthly coaching calls, and transformative work from guest experts & from me, the container is set to make transformation powerful... and supported by deep friendship. If you are interested in hearing more, Explore!

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